Written by the National Share Office
For many families who are pregnant with or have recently delivered
a very loved and wanted baby, hopes and dreams are torn apart with the news
that the baby has died. For the rest of
the world around them, not much seems changed.
Unfortunately, something very sad and life altering has happened that
needs to be acknowledged. A baby has
died.
The following information has been gathered by bereaved
parents, friends, and professionals. Here
are some ways to better acknowledge the death of a baby and communicate with
parents experiencing grief.
The first encounter…
Say “I’m Sorry”
If you can’t find the right words, it is better to say, “I’m
sorry,” than nothing at all.
Avoid Clichés
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“Thank goodness you are young, you can still have more
children.”
“There must have been something wrong with the baby.”
“I understand how you feel.” (unless you have an experience
to share)
“It was meant to be”
“You have an angel in heaven.”
“At least you didn’t get to know the baby.”
“You are so strong, I
could never handle this.”
“I guess it’s good it happened now.”
“At least you have children at home.”
“God would never give you more than you could handle.”
What may seem comforting to you may be very hurtful to
others. Clichés tend to minimize the loss and the emotions a parent has toward
their baby.
Say “I Don’t Know What to Say”
If you are unaware of what to say, simply say, “I don’t know
what to say.” Honesty can be more comforting than words with
less meaning.
Silence Can Be Okay
Sometimes there is just nothing to say. Just be quiet, be with them, hold their hand,
touch their shoulder, or give them a hug.
Apologize for Hurtful
Comments
If you do say something insensitive, acknowledge it and
apologize. These comments can cause hurt and future resentment.
Responses to Death
Do the same things for the death of a baby as you would if
another family member died. Send
flowers, sympathy cards, share special remembrances, phone calls, make/bring
dinner. If you are a close family member
or friend, it may be helpful if you ask to help maintain laundry, basic housecleaning or cooking, or
watch other children at home (if applicable). Be sure to obtain permission from
the bereaved family before disassembling the baby’s room or removing baby items.
In the first few weeks…
Ask & Listen
Ask sincerely “How are you “and be ready to listen. They may have a lot to say and may repeat
their story many times. In order to be
helpful to their grieving process, you must be willing to listen. Sometimes
parents can verbalize what they need, so you know what you can do or say to
comfort them. You can also add, “I’ve
been thinking of you” or “I’ve been praying
for you,” if either is appropriate to the situation.
Don’t Forget Dad
Fathers and mothers grieve differently. Dads may not talk
about the baby as much. Men tend to go
back to work sooner and seem to reclaim their lives faster, but that does not
mean that they are not grieving. Let them open up to you if they need to talk.
Be Specific In Your
Offer to Help
Saying, “Call me if you need anything,” or “Let me know how
I can help,” are generic statements for grieving families. Not all people are willing to ask for help. Offer to bring dinner Tuesday at 6:00, or ask
to take a newly bereaved mom to breakfast Thursday morning at 9:00, or ask dad
if he wants to play nine holes of golf Friday at 8:00. If their response is
“no,” it is okay to offer again in a week or two.
How to Acknowledge
the Baby
One misconception is that the shorter the baby’s life, the
easier the grieving process. The opposite is true. Whether the baby died during
the pregnancy or lived a short time, the family lost future hopes and dreams.
It is important when talking with parents to use the baby’s name if one was
given. By doing this you are showing the parents you value the short life of
their baby, showing he/she is not forgotten.
Avoid Giving Advice
Everyone is an individual and grieves differently. There are
no rules that define how a bereaved parent should feel or how soon he or she
will return to the norms of daily life. Giving parents permission to grieve
their own way can be healing.
In the following months & years…
Parents Need Time
The parents of a baby who has died will need more time to
grieve than society allows. The average intense grief period is 18 to 24
months. Parents will go through ups and downs during that time. The future
holds many milestones that will be missed like first steps, the first day of
kindergarten, toothless grins or a sweet sixteen. These milestones may bring
tears to the parents, yet may have disappeared to others. Acknowledge a parent's
grief and remember with them.
Open Communications
Bereaved parents need a safe person and/or place to talk
about their baby and the feelings they are experiencing. They need to be heard
without being judged or receiving unwanted advice. Allow the parents to talk
openly about the pregnancy, and any future plans or dreams they may be missing.
Remember Special
Dates
Grieving parents may be saddened by special events or dates
(birthdays, due date, delivery date, Mother’s & Father’s Day, holidays)
because it’s a reminder their baby is not here. These days may be difficult
without their baby, and parents need your support at these times.
Check Up
After a few weeks, people generally stop coming by. Continue
to call and check in on the family. Make a call, leave a message, or write a
note to let them know you care. Most bereaved parents appreciate
acknowledgement of their grief and the life of their baby.
Showing you care in the workplace…
During and after the loss of a baby, the workplace can be
confusing and difficult place to grieve. The key to maintain good working
relations is to have open communication.
What you need to know
·
Parents of a baby who died need adequate time
off (refer to bereavement polices) and need a plan of action for returning. Mothers, especially, need appropriate time to recover and heal. Some parents
need to return part-time and some can return full-time.
·
Try to help parents maintain a normalcy at work.
Ask them to lunch, or sincerely ask how they are doing.
·
Grief can make a normal day of work unbearable.
Employees and employers can try to alleviate feelings of being overwhelmed by either
delegating or sharing job responsibilities.
·
It may or may not be appropriate to share
emotional issues publically at work. Discuss what is appropriate, and
understand that grief is a normal process that takes time to work through.
·
Bereaved parents in authoritative positions may
have a difficult time coping with their role as a leader and how their grief
will be accepted in the workplace. Allow them to express their needs, and
understand that even though they are in a leadership role, they have
experienced a tremendous loss.
·
Crying, having difficult days, feeling confused,
or having trouble concentrating is normal for grieving parents. Providing a
safe place for bereaved parents to express their feelings will aid in their
healing process.
Don’t think of anything else just contact priest eka and purchase some of his herbal medication and your depression will go away. This was my state of mind when my doctor told me that i will not be able to concieve due to the Fibroid that was rolling in my family life and when i decide to reach out to the priest, and the priest told me what to do in other to get the medication. Eventually I receive all the Herbal medications that cure my Fibroid and give me the chance to become a proud mother: Eka is a great spiritualist, He did it for me, you can contact Eka on (dreka14demons@gmail.com). If you are suffering from the following gynecology disease::
ReplyDelete1. Fibroid, Asthma, All STD, sinus infection
2.High Blood Pressure (herbs to reduce your BP within 7days)
3. Infection, regular body pains (yeast infection),urine tract infection.
4. Blockage from the fallopian Tube
5. Cyst from the ovaries
6. Unpleasant smell from the virginal, virginal itching
7. Irregular menstruation
8. Weakness of the penis (not able to have sex with your partner or inability to satisfy your partner sexually)
9. Watering sperm (low sperm count) not able to get woman pregnant.
10. Infertility for easy Conception.......
11. Skin diseases, Toilet infection and bad body odor…….Etc..
Simply contact the spiritualist DrEka on (dreka14demons@gmail.com) to get his Herbal Medication to cure your disease and put yourself on a motherhood side of life..