|Photo Taken By Terryl|
After a year of trying to conceive, my husband and I discovered that I was pregnant - very shortly after I had given my life to Christ and become a Christian.. I can remember the excitement, of sharing the news with good friends and family, and praising God for this miracle.
Then, at about 5 weeks, I had some spotting. I went to the doctor, and I can remember exactly where I was at work when I got the call from the nurse to tell me that my numbers weren't good, and I was going to lose the baby. My store manager knew I was pregnant, but she wasn't on duty that evening, and I had an event to run that night. But I knew I couldn't do it. I called the manager on duty into the office, explained through tears what was happening, and she jumped right in, took over for my event that evening, and sent me home.
I don't remember the drive home, but I remember sitting on my bed, with my husband, and crying together at the impending loss of our baby, our dream, our excitement. I remember thinking, "I can't lose this baby ... bad things like this don't happen to me."
The next three weeks went by with a variety of visits to my doctor, with lots of blood tests to check my hormone levels. Sometimes they were good, sometimes not so good. Three weeks of not knowing what was going to happen. Of not knowing whether my dream of becoming a mommy was going to come true, or whether it was going to be dashed on the rocks of disappointment.
In the midst of all this uncertainty, I was blessed by the women of Ladies In Waiting - an email support group for Christian married women that later merged with Hannah's Prayer ministries. I was encouraged by their prayers and messages and stories of hope.
I was also blessed by a dear friend who had a 4-month-old baby girl. She would meet me with her little girl from lunch, some shopping time, whatever - especially when I needed a "baby fix." Holding that bundle of joy in my arms helped ease the pain, and also provided a wonderful memory on what could have been a horrible day.
I was at the mall with my friend, eating lunch in the food court, and she was trying to eat and feed the baby a bottle at the same time. I was done eating, and took the baby to feed her so that my friend could eat with her hands free. After downing the rest of her bottle, this precious baby fell asleep in my arms, and I was content just to snuggle her close and enjoy this wonderful moment. My friend reached down into her diaper bag, and pulled out a camera to take a picture of her daughter asleep in my arms. I put the baby back in her stroller and went to the ladies room, where I discovered that my miscarriage was starting. I still have that picture framed in my house, 14 years later, and every time I see it, I think of that precious memory God gave me on that day of loss.
Sadness was present, but also a relief that at least now I KNEW and the waiting was over. And the blessings continued. I called a friend from church to let them know we wouldn't be at church that night and why, and he immediately asked if I wanted his wife to come over to be with me. Later that evening, one of the teenagers in our youth group we worked with called me and related how they had all stood together in the youth room, holding hands and praying for us. A few days later, I had surgery, and my mom came up to take care of me for a few days, and brought a HUGE Winnie-the-Pooh stuffed animal to cuddle ... my husband knew it was just what I needed as soon as he saw her get out of the car.
Losing our first baby was hard. My new-found faith got me through, because I knew that even though I couldn't understand why, or what was happening, God was in control, and He was there for me.
I have also seen God use that experience in my life as I minister to others ... even just a few months later, a friend from Ladies In Waiting went through a situation very similar to mine. Being able to give her an ear to bend and a shoulder to cry on, knowing exactly how she was feeling ... I was able to comfort her in a way I wouldn't have before.
God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good. Even when the storms of life are tossing you to and fro, He is the anchor that holds you in the storm. He got me through the storm of that loss, and many other crises and adventures - both good and bad - since then.
Author: TerrylAuthor's Website: Moments to Remember